Congratulations on the big news: your child has announced his or her engagement. Perhaps you’d like to use the following letter to express some thoughts on money and financial security to the blissful young couple:
Dear ______ and fiancé/e,
We are thrilled that you have found someone to live with happily ever after. As you move into this new stage of your life, there are a few money issues that we need to mention.
Getting married means independence. We won’t tell you what time to come home at night, nor will we force you to eat your vegetables (even though we might roll our eyes if you shove your carrots into your napkin when you visit for Shabbat). However, you must pay your own bills. Every phone call and bus ride will be from your own pocket. You can negotiate with your landlord to pay a lower rent, or find a smaller apartment. Food? Shop at the local discount grocery store. From Day #1, write down all your expenses. That way you will see where you are spending wisely and where you can improve your choices. If you track your expenditures you can learn to live within a budget, and control spending.
We will give you gifts from time to time, but don’t count on them. We have our own financial plan that dictates how much we spend on ourselves, our vacations, our health care, insurance, and helping the kids. For your wedding and all that goes with it (the reception, new clothes, sheva brachas, appliances and furniture, etc.), we allotted NIS _______ (fill in the amount here that you can reasonably afford to gift all of your children equally, and certainly don’t go into debt for this). Your in-laws generosity will not affect the amount we contribute; we will stick to our financial plan so we can be financially independent in our old age and you won’t need to support us.
There are many places to get financial advice. Get the basics in order: monthly savings, charitable donations, clear budget, life and disability insurance, and no overdraft. Once you have put aside some money, get professional advice. Our advice will always be free, so just call if you want some. But ultimately, you will need to educate yourself. So get started now by signing up for a great blog on personal finance for dual citizens living in Israel: profile-financial.com/blog
Mazal Tov!
Love,
Ema and Abba
Douglas Goldstein, CFP®, is the Director of Profile Investment Service, Ltd., which specializes in helping people who live in Israel with their US dollar assets and American investment and retirement accounts. He helps olim meet their financial goals through asset allocation, financial planning, and using money managers.
Published May 20, 2012. Updated June 2019